I’ve been writing this blog (in my head) for a little over a week now.  I began writing it after date with a guy I’ve been dating casually for a little over a month.  He’s a great guy.  He looks good on paper (educated, gainfully employed, no kids, well-traveled, financially stable (from outward appearances)).   And although he’s no Idris Elba, he’s certainly not hard on the eyes.  And add to that that he’s kind, respectful and chivalrous (opens doors, pulls out chairs, helps me with my coat, walks on the right side of the sidewalk and he knows that hats are not to be worn indoors).  He’s, technically speaking, my franchise player at the moment.  The only problem is that he doesn’t have the “It” factor.  In fact, nobody on my current team has that “It” factor.

Let me briefly refresh you on the team concept.  I believe in dating multiple men at the same time. Women typically meet a man and stick with him ’til the wheels fall off.  They are then devastated when it doesn’t work out.  Most times they are not so much upset about the end of the relationship as they are the thought of having to ‘get back out there.’ Men, on the other hand always have more than one woman on their team so even when they end it with one chick they have at least one other on the roster to keep themselves entertained.  So I decided a while back that I would date like a man.  This method has generally worked well for me.  The only time it didn’t was when I gave up my team too soon.  Next time, I’ll have to have a rock on the third finger of my left hand before I give up my team (just kidding . . . kinda . . . sorta).

One of my girls noticed that I’d been spending a lot of time with Mr. Looks Good on Paper and asked how it was going.  I told her that it was going ok but I just didn’t know if I wanted to continue seeing him.  She asked what was wrong with him and I said “nothing.”  And that was the truth.  Nothing is wrong with him, he simply doesn’t have that “It” factor working in his favor.  The “It” factor is that thing that causes the butterflies in your stomach when you know you’re going to see him.  It’s that thing that makes you want to call just to say “Hi” and see how his day is going.  It’s that thing that makes you want to go out of your way to do special things for him.  I had none of that for him . . . until our last date.  That’s when he did the absolute sexiest thing a man can do.  He did that “man thing” that I LOVE so much!  We were meeting for breakfast one morning.  I was late because I’d had a hectic morning dealing with an issue (a relatively minor one) that despite all my efforts I just couldn’t resolve.  I was slightly frazzled when I arrived at the breakfast spot.  He asked what was wrong. (2 points for noticing AND asking)  And that’s when he did the absolute sexiest thing a man can do . . . he said “as soon as we’re done with breakfast, I’ll take care of it.”  WOW!!!!  I didn’t have to ask him to take care of it; I didn’t have to hint for him to do it, in fact, it never even crossed my mind that he might step in and work it out.  And just like that, he’d all of a sudden developed the “It” factor!!!

Many of the men I’ve dated have measured how much I “need” them by how many bills I ask them to or let them pay.  That’s not my thing.  I’ve always been very independent.  So when I let them know that I don’t need them in that way they equate that with “I don’t need you (at all).”  Men don’t get that most of us, even the gold diggers, love for a man to be an “M-A-N. Capital M, Capital A, Capital N” (My Daddy, since 1976).  We like for men to take care of things for us.  Especially those traditionally “man things”  (e.g., pumping gas, taking out the trash, fixing things, slaying dragons, etc.). And, hint, hint, gentlemen, being a M-A-N (truly being a man, not just stomping around pounding your chest and chanting “I’m Da MAN!”) is the easiest and best way to get what you want from a woman.  Get your minds out of the gutter, I’m not just talking about that (but it doesn’t hurt there either).  If you want your woman to cook, clean and dress up for you then make it easier for her to do it.  Carry your weight in the relationship and be a man and take some things off her plate.  Trust me, it works!