I was listening to the Tom Joyner Morning Show this morning and an interesting topic came up: “Have You Ever ‘Dipped Back’ to an Old Relationship for a New Fling?”

The topic reminded me of a blog I wrote some years ago – “The Ghosts of Chrissy’s Past.” Virtually every one of my exes has come back at some point. All except the ONE I would actually take back. Sometimes they come back with the old “Hey, how’ve you been? Long time no hear. We should catch up sometime” and later work their way up to the point of contacting me. Other times they get right to the point,  “Hey, I was thinking about us and that we should give it another try.”

I’ve done it. I’ve dipped back a time or two. I’ve fallen for the banana in the tailpipe.  When I dipped back I found that it didn’t work for one of two reasons.  Either 1) he was the exact same person he was back then, which made us (still) incompatible or 2) he’d changed but so had I and the people we’d become were (also) incompatible. Either way, Le Partie Deux, needed to be cut short. Most of my friends who’ve dipped back have had similar experiences. Because of this I lean toward the thought that the successful ‘dip back’ is more likely the exception than the rule. So, I’ll stick to the conclusion of the old blog.  Check it out.  Enjoy!

You’re Perfect!  Wait for Me:  Ghosts of Chrissy’s Past (2007)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the following statement:  “You’re perfect.  You’re smart, pretty, kind, ambitious, caring.  You’re just wonderful.  You’re exactly the kind of woman I want to marry . . . someday.” 

Starting way back in my Junior and Senior years in college I started hearing that speech or something very similar.  Later in my twenties, when I started to consider the possibility of marriage, I found the speech to be incredibly frustrating.  Here I was at a point in my life where I felt I was ready to consider marriage and I was being told by almost all the men I dated that I was exactly what they wanted . . . someday.

Huh?

Intellectually, I understood.  They simply weren’t ready.  And I’m not one to push anyone who isn’t ready.  I guess my problem with the statement is that they somehow seemed to think I’d wait for them.  That I’d want them 10 years down the line after they’d sewn their wild oats.

Well, it’s ten years later (for some of them).  These men are now 30 – 35 and guess what;  theeyyyyyy’rrrrreeeeee baaaaaccccccckkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!

Dudes from my past have been showing up like roaches in the projects.  They’re everywhere.  I guess they’ve sewn their wild oats and “someday” has finally arrived.  Lucky me?  Not so much.  I may have been willing to entertain the option of exploring a relationship after a number of years apart had they not given me “the speech.”  Having heard the speech it feels like I was placed on hold.  It’s like they said, “If nothing better comes along then I’ll go scoop up Chrissy.”  Doesn’t it just give you the warm fuzzies?  Nah, not so much.

So to all the fellas who put Chrissy on the back burner until someday, yeah, I’m still available.  But I’m not available to you.