Author: xoxoChrissy

The Sexiest Thing About a Man

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I’ve been writing this blog (in my head) for a little over a week now.  I began writing it after date with a guy I’ve been dating casually for a little over a month.  He’s a great guy.  He looks good on paper (educated, gainfully employed, no kids, well-traveled, financially stable (from outward appearances)).   And although he’s no Idris Elba, he’s certainly not hard on the eyes.  And add to that that he’s kind, respectful and chivalrous (opens doors, pulls out chairs, helps me with my coat, walks on the right side of the sidewalk and he knows that hats are not to be worn indoors).  He’s, technically speaking, my franchise player at the moment.  The only problem is that he doesn’t have the “It” factor.  In fact, nobody on my current team has that “It” factor.

Let me briefly refresh you on the team concept.  I believe in dating multiple men at the same time. Women typically meet a man and stick with him ’til the wheels fall off.  They are then devastated when it doesn’t work out.  Most times they are not so much upset about the end of the relationship as they are the thought of having to ‘get back out there.’ Men, on the other hand always have more than one woman on their team so even when they end it with one chick they have at least one other on the roster to keep themselves entertained.  So I decided a while back that I would date like a man.  This method has generally worked well for me.  The only time it didn’t was when I gave up my team too soon.  Next time, I’ll have to have a rock on the third finger of my left hand before I give up my team (just kidding . . . kinda . . . sorta).

One of my girls noticed that I’d been spending a lot of time with Mr. Looks Good on Paper and asked how it was going.  I told her that it was going ok but I just didn’t know if I wanted to continue seeing him.  She asked what was wrong with him and I said “nothing.”  And that was the truth.  Nothing is wrong with him, he simply doesn’t have that “It” factor working in his favor.  The “It” factor is that thing that causes the butterflies in your stomach when you know you’re going to see him.  It’s that thing that makes you want to call just to say “Hi” and see how his day is going.  It’s that thing that makes you want to go out of your way to do special things for him.  I had none of that for him . . . until our last date.  That’s when he did the absolute sexiest thing a man can do.  He did that “man thing” that I LOVE so much!  We were meeting for breakfast one morning.  I was late because I’d had a hectic morning dealing with an issue (a relatively minor one) that despite all my efforts I just couldn’t resolve.  I was slightly frazzled when I arrived at the breakfast spot.  He asked what was wrong. (2 points for noticing AND asking)  And that’s when he did the absolute sexiest thing a man can do . . . he said “as soon as we’re done with breakfast, I’ll take care of it.”  WOW!!!!  I didn’t have to ask him to take care of it; I didn’t have to hint for him to do it, in fact, it never even crossed my mind that he might step in and work it out.  And just like that, he’d all of a sudden developed the “It” factor!!!

Many of the men I’ve dated have measured how much I “need” them by how many bills I ask them to or let them pay.  That’s not my thing.  I’ve always been very independent.  So when I let them know that I don’t need them in that way they equate that with “I don’t need you (at all).”  Men don’t get that most of us, even the gold diggers, love for a man to be an “M-A-N. Capital M, Capital A, Capital N” (My Daddy, since 1976).  We like for men to take care of things for us.  Especially those traditionally “man things”  (e.g., pumping gas, taking out the trash, fixing things, slaying dragons, etc.). And, hint, hint, gentlemen, being a M-A-N (truly being a man, not just stomping around pounding your chest and chanting “I’m Da MAN!”) is the easiest and best way to get what you want from a woman.  Get your minds out of the gutter, I’m not just talking about that (but it doesn’t hurt there either).  If you want your woman to cook, clean and dress up for you then make it easier for her to do it.  Carry your weight in the relationship and be a man and take some things off her plate.  Trust me, it works!

Who is Riley Cooper?

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Who is Riley Cooper? The answer: someone whose name I didn’t know two weeks ago.  I had no clue who this man was two weeks ago but in the time since his story broke, his name has been a constant on my Twitter feed, Facebook timeline and favorite ESPN podcasts.  I posted the following status on my own Facebook timeline a couple of days ago:

“The Philadelphia Eagle’s locker room appears to be divided. Could you get past a co-worker who was caught on tape using insensitive language (re: race, gender, sexual orientation, etc)? I can (and have). I [go] o work to make money, not friends. As long as you keep your hands off of me, I’m good. I’m very well equipped to verbally defend myself when needed. So say what you want. Just be prepared for what comes next.”

I had several interesting comments. Some felt that the other team’s defensive lines would serve as karma for Mr. Cooper’s insensitive words. Others thought they’d have a difficult time working side by side with Riley Cooper because of what he’d said.  Not me.

I’ve had a job for most of my life.  I’ve been working for 22 years. I don’t get up every morning and go to a job because I don’t have anything better to do. (I happen to really enjoy what I do, however, if I hit the PowerBall . . . deuces!)  I go to a job because I have goals and aspirations that require the funding gainful employment provides. I work so that I can live – not the other way around. I work to support my real life, the life where the people I love, and who love me, reside.  As such, I can work with people who don’t love me.  I can work with people I don’t love.  I can work with people who hold views that are in direct contradiction to my own views. I can work with people who I think are soulless human beings.  I can work with people for whom I hold zero respect.  Why? Because MY dreams, MY goals and MY aspirations are bigger than all of them.  My personal goals and well-being are far more important to me than a person to whom I will likely never speak once we no longer work together. So why would I let someone so incredibly insignificant to me adversely impact my livelihood? I wouldn’t!  Plain and simple.  I’m not going to let some idiot get between me and what I have planned for my life.  Stay stupid my friend.  Stay.  Stupid. I’ve got a life to live and goals to reach.

 

Can Men and Women Really be “Just Friends?”

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Can men and women really be “just friends?” In my younger years I would always answer this question with an emphatic, “YES!” Now that I’m a little older, and presumably a little wiser, I’m less likely to answer the same way. In my younger, more optimistic (and possibly more naïve) days I would say “yes” because experience hadn’t yet shown me anything different. In the years since then I’ve learned that it is highly unlikely that men and women can be just friends.

Starting in college I developed a close circle of friends that has, at some times, consisted of more men than women. I’ve considered many of these men to be amongst my closest friends. However, at some point 80% of them have expressed interest in me either directly to me or to someone they knew would share their feelings with me. The first couple of times it happened I blew it off. When it began to happen with more frequency, and with individuals with whom I’d had longer friendships, I decided that it was highly probable that men and women simply can’t maintain plutonic relationships for long periods of time.

I once got into a debate with a friend on this topic. He and I started as friends but he later expressed interest in me. He was a firm believer that men and women could not be friends. Period. Back then I still thought it was absolutely possible. He bet me that if I were to poll three of my current, long-term male friends who had never expressed interest in me that I would find that they too at some point had been interested in exploring a romantic relationship with me. I took the challenge and polled three friends. The results were mixed. While none of them had previously expressed any interest in me, two admitted to having “considered” me at some point in our relationship.

After reflecting on my own personal experiences I’ve decided that it is absolutely impossible for men to be friends with women without wanting more at some point. Maybe this is true for some women as well but not for me, or any of the women I’ve polled. Men have told me, that it is a waste of their time to invest time in a relationship with a woman they don’t intend to have sex with (at some point). For these men, cultivating a relationship with someone of the opposite sex is singular in purpose: mating. That’s it.

So, ladies and gentlemen, what’s been your experience? Can men and women really be just friends?????

(Clarification: We’re talking about heterosexual men and women. However, that raises the question: Can two gay men be friends? Can two gay women be friends? Based on the experiences of some of my gay, male friends, the answer is “no!” What say you?)

I Like Words

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I like words. I’ve always liked words. I’ve been reading since I was three years old (another blog for another day). Maybe that’s why I’m so fond of words – because I’ve been a part of my life for so long. Or maybe I’m just fond of words because I’m an old school prude. Who’s to say?

I text. I text a lot. However, I rarely use “text talk.” I don’t use text talk because . . .

I. LIKE. WORDS!

Sure, I use “LOL,” “LMAO,” and sometimes “IDK,” (I also use “bc” for because if I’m in a hurry). But other than that, I use words. Part of the reason I don’t use “text talk” is because it looks lazy and unintelligent. When I meet someone new and they text me using text talk, I assume they do so because they lack the basic intelligence required to string together a simple sentence. I realize this isn’t always the case. One of my dearest friends insists on “text talking” me. I endure it because I know she’s highly intelligent and just being lazy.

I find text talk particularly annoying when it’s used outside the confines of a text message or iMessage (or BBM for the Neanderthals still using the Blackberry). When I see text talk in emails or in Facebook statuses, I decide it’s because the author is too stupid to know how to formulate a sentence. (I give a little slack for Twitter simply because of the character limits).

I don’t have a proper closing for this blog. I just wanted to rant.

I. HATE. TEXT. TALK.

Goodnight.

Just Let Go of the Reins

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About three years ago I was vacationing in the Cayman Islands. One of the things I enjoy doing during vacations is horseback riding.  It’s a great way to view the landscape of a new place.  As is the case in much of the Caribbean, many of the guided horseback tours include a ride along the beach.  Many also have the option of taking the horse into the ocean (the shallow part, obviously).

After completing our land tour, we arrive at the beach and proceed to enter the water. As we’re riding, the guides increase speed slightly as they lead us through the section of water that is roped off for the tour.  The increasing difficulty of the ride leads to members of the group falling from their horses and struggling to get back above water. I watch as each one goes down.  As they do I yell, “Let go of the reins!!” You want them to let go of the reins because the horse doesn’t stop just because the rider has fallen off. So if the rider doesn’t let go of the reins s/he will be dragged along the ocean floor and, perhaps, get trampled by the horse as it continues to follow the group, as it is trained to do.

Fifteen or twenty minutes into the tour, I am still on my horse. Soon, I’m jerked backwards as my horse takes off at full speed. I’m startled but am able to gain my balance and stay on the horse as it wildly chases the horse in front of it. Eventually, I find myself sliding from the horse and splashing into the water while . . . holding on to the reins!

Intellectually, I know I should let go.  I know this. However, when you’re underwater and flipping over again and again, you lose your sense of up and down.  Your feet can’t find the ocean’s bottom even though the water is only 4 1/2 feet deep.  Your eyes have difficulty distinguishing light and dark on a cloudy day when there’s no sun to guide you.  You’re completely disoriented and the only thing you can firmly grasp is . . . the reins.  As a result, you hold on to the reins as if your life depends on it.

In life, we sometimes hold onto things as if our lives depend on them. Many of the things we’re holding onto can’t actually save us.  In fact, many of these things have the power to destroy us if we let them.  Holding on to things like anger, resentment, fear, envy or stress can, quite literally, kill us.  Intellectually, we know that holding onto these things isn’t good for us.  So why do we continue to hold on? Sometimes it’s because we’re stubborn.  Sometimes it’s because we simply don’t know how to let go. We’ve been carrying some baggage for so long that it actually feels normal to us. We’ve lived with stress or regret or defeat for so long that we think that this must be our lot in life and that we’re destined to continue to live the remainder of our lives with these burdens.

This isn’t true for any of us.

We all have the power to let go of the reins and save ourselves.We all have the right to live lives free of the many and varied burdens we pick up along our journey. We simply have to figure out how to do it.  Sometimes we can figure this out on our own.  Oftentimes, we need help  figuring out how to let go. This was the case for me as I was being dragged along the bottom of the ocean.  I was telling myself, “Let go.” I was hearing the guides yelling “LET GO!” I could hear the messages. I understood the messages.  However, I simply could not figure out how to get my fingers to open and let go of the reins.  After what seemed like hours, but was in fact just a few seconds, one of the guides reached down and gently tugged the reins.  I’m not even certain he had a firm grasp on them. But the slight tug was just enough to get my hands to open. It was enough to get me to distinguish up from down. It was enough to get me to plant my feet firmly on the ground and stand again. That’s all it took. A slight tug was all I needed to do the things that I always knew to do but simply hadn’t had the courage to do.

I relay this story to people fairly frequently because I think it’s a good illustration of how we hold onto things in our everyday lives that have the power to destroy us. Sometimes saving ourselves, our sanity, our happiness is as simple as letting go.  So, just let go of the reins and see what happens.

Dear Huma, Stand by Your Man!

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This blog entry was originally intended to be an open letter to Huma Weiner the long-suffering wife of NY Mayoral candidate, Anthony Weiner. I had all these grand ideas of sharing with her how incredibly weak and naïve she appeared “standing by her man” for the second time as he ‘fessed up to acts of betrayal committed during their marriage. I had plans of telling her how the message she was sending to young girls was an inappropriate one, blah, blah, blah.  Then I realized that this woman has zero obligation to act as a role-model to anyone’s child except her very own. Furthermore, her marriage is really none of my business.  Despite the fact that she’s chosen to live a highly visible life as a public servant, she has no obligation to be a role model to anyone.

“If your child has to look further than across the dinner 

table for a role-model, you’ve failed as a parent.”

I believe that too often parents put unrealistic expectations on celebrities and other public figures. They overreact when their children see these individuals behaving badly.  Then there’s the media with the talking heads asking, “What kind of message is s/he sending to his/her young fans?” I fully understand the temptation to respond in this way (refer to the first paragraph). But before we hop on our soapboxes telling people we don’t know how they should live their lives, we have to do a few things: 1) Realize that people are free to live their lives in any way they choose – even if it goes against our own fundamental values; 2) Realize that nobody is responsible for our children except us; and 3) Take full stock of the examples we’re setting for our children and ensure that they’re good ones. The people children encounter on a day-to-day basis have far more influence on them than anyone they’ll see on television or on the Internet. If parents are indeed doing their jobs, then children won’t feel the need to search elsewhere for the guidance of strangers.

“But I can’t stop my child from consuming the images of

wayward celebrities that litter the airwaves and Internet.” 

No, you can’t keep your children from seeing pictures and “news” clippings of public figures displaying acts of questionable character.  However, you absolutely have the power to establish yourself as a more important, more credible role model and source of encouragement than some person they’ve never met.

So . . .

 

Dear Huma,

Never mind.  Carry on.  After all, we don’t even know each other.

My bad.

xoxo,

Chrissy

The Top 10 Pick Up Lines and the ONE that Actually Works

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This is not the “top” ten you’re thinking about.  This is actually the bottom ten, the absolute worst pick up lines . . . EVER.  Unfortunately, all of these have been directed at me personally.  Most didn’t get responses.  Some provoked laughter of the “loud, country” variety.  You know, when your mouth is wide open and your head is thrown back as tears begin to stream down your face as you alternately holler and laugh.  Others rendered me speechless.  Imagine that!  Here are some of the “better” pick up lines I’ve heard:

10.  “Come here!”

(I’m sorry, even my father isn’t allowed to summon me this way.)

  1.  “Do you got good credit?”

(The grammar alone made me cringe.)

  1.  “I’ll give you $100 to have dinner with me.”

(So I’m a prostitute now?)

  1.  “You sexier than a muthaf&^ka!”

(Exactly how sexy IS a “muthaf&^ka?)

  1.  “Guhl, let me buy you a fish sandwich.”

                 (This one got the loud, country, laugh! Especially since I was walking through an airport when I heard it.)

  1.  “D@mn! You look like you got a good job, like you a secretary or something.”

(*** Blank Stare ***)

  1.  “You lookin’  young and healthy.”

(I didn’t get this one until one of my girlfriend said “Well, you see these old, sick looking chicks in here!)

  1.  (Staring at my breasts) “They sho’ll is pretty.” (briefly looking up at my face) “And you too.” (returning his attention to my breasts)

(CRINGE!!!)

2.  “Let me get your number.  No?  Can I get a quarter?”

(This one got laughs too.)

  1. “You got a Twitter?”

(What am I, 15??)

Do men actually think this stuff works?  I certainly hope not.  I might be able to understand men saying these things if I were the type to walk around looking cheap and skanky.  But since I don’t, I am completely perplexed by my being a “lightening rod” for these comments.  What gives?  What prompts a man to even attempt a pickup line (of any kind)?  Does he know when he’s shot a brick or does he continue to use the line in hopes that it will work . . . eventually?

Oh, BTW, the ONE line that actually works:

“Hi.  My name is ___________.”

See how easy that is?

There Really Are Leagues to this Thing

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For the very first time I heard a man acknowledge that there are dating “leagues.”  When I say league I’m talking about exactly what you think I’m talking about.  My girlfriends and I talk about it all the time.  Men don’t recognize, acknowledge or respect the fact that there really are leagues.  Maybe that’s because they don’t have to.  It’s perfectly acceptable for a man in the “major” league to date a woman on a “farm team.”  They do it all the time.  How many highly successful, well-educated men have you encountered who are dating, or married to, a woman with a GED and a job that doesn’t even offer a 401k plan??

Go ahead and count.  I’ll wait.

Men can get away with this because it’s socially acceptable for a man to marry a woman who is not his educational or economic equal.  As long as she’s cute, presentable and can halfway carry on a decent conversation it’s perfectly all right for a man to date down.  This gives men an exponentially greater advantage in the dating game.  They simply have more options.

I’m fairly progressive.  I consider myself to be a rather open individual; however, I absolutely am not open to the possibility of dating a 30+-year-old man who’s working on his GED while working two minimum wage jobs.  It’s not happening.

I’m familiar with the women’s rights movement, however, I think men have taken it too far.  Yes, women are closing the pay gap.  Many of us now earn a wage equal to, or greater than, our male counterparts.  There’s less of a social stigma associated with a man earning less than his girlfriend or wife.  But men are taking the movement a little too far. Just because we want equal pay for the same job doesn’t mean we want to support a lazy bum. These are two separate and unrelated issues.  So, please, let’s set the record straight once and for all.  STAY IN YOUR OWN LEAGUE!  Maybe, just maybe, it’s ok to date up, or down, one league.  But that’s it.  Ladies with GEDs, multiple babies and babies’ daddies: STAY IN YOUR LEAGUE!  Stop chasing ballplayers, bankers and brokers.  Date the dude who works security in your building.  He’s in your league.  Fellas with a high school diploma, 12 baby mamas, NO JOB, living in your Big Mama’s basement, stop approaching professional women who have their stuff together!  You look dumb . . . unless you’re in Atlanta (but that’s another blog for another day).

The point is that everyone needs to bring something to the table.  Your kids, your drama and your bills don’t count.